I’mma mess. So fucking depressed i’ve been signed off work and had to resign.. i’m failing at everything in life and on top of all things my eating issues are taking over, i keep trying to restrict but Tam keeps offering me food and i dont want to let her down :( i hate my life so much i just want to give it all up.. i’ve nothing left anyway =/ apart from her <3
getting alittle better at restricting; lost 2 pounds last time i was weighed, its a start.. and i’ve got my ana book that i fill with my daily cal and workout stuff and my goals and quotes from ana websites to inspire me etc so i can focus on that :) plus i’[m drinking loads more water to fill me up and smoking to supress my appetite :D just looking up negative cals at the moment do they actually work? cause i love apples and fruit :)
Dress Size: 6-8
Highest Weight: 9.5 st
Lowest Weight: 7.9 st
Goal Weight: 7st
Favorite Diet Food: crackers only 30cal!
Favorite Binge Food: pancakes
Favorite Exercise: running
Favorite thinspo: thigh gaps/boney wrists/hip bones
Does Anyone Know: they suspect
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day: between 0 and 500
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror? someone i dont wanna be
Are You In A Relationship: i am! shes the best gf ever
Are you depressed: treated with meds
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide: yes
Ever Been To A Psychologist: yes, i am atm
I AM -
 living off diet pills
 drinking something
[x] starving yourself
 participating in a fast
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
 say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
force me to eat
 say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[ ] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos
I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn’t have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x ] I was under 100lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[x] I could stop being ana/mia then maybe i would be a little more normal
I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic/ednos
 green tea
 diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself
[x] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
 I tan easily.
 I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[x] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
 I have/had braces.
 I wear glasses
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
 I have freckles
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[x] I’ve run away from home
[x] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
 My biological parents are together.
[x] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
 I’ve had children.
 I’ve lost a child.
[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I’ve peed from laughing.
[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something
[x] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I’ve had my trousers rip in public.
 I’m single
[x] I’m in a relationship.
 I’m engaged.
 I’m married.
 I’ve gone on a blind date.
 I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[x] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
 I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
[x] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[x] I’ve been suspended from school.
BAD TIMES -
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
 I regularly drink.
 I can’t swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset.
[x] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying
[x] I’ve lost weight
[x] I’ve gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
 I’m at my thinnest
[x] I’m at my biggest
[x] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
 I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I’ve skipped a meal
[x] I’ve thrown food away
 I’ve spat food out
[x] I’ve fasted
 I’ve taken diet pills
I’ve used laxatives
[x] I’ve purged
[x] I exercise
 I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
 I exercise to counteract eating
[x] I’ve fainted from exhaustion
I’VE DONE -
 Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[x] Other: ket and MKAT
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have a diet blog
 I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I’m doing this for me
[x] I’m doing this for someone
[x ] I’m doing this to prove myself
the worst feeling is when you break down crying cos you don’t like what you see
Post bath cuddle session :) #chihuahuas